i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
