dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm passing your future prison.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
