mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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