i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
