Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
