The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
