so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
