somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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