Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
