How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
