I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
