Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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