If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
