found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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