3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
