I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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