Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
