I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
