Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
