my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
