We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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