i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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