i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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