Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
