OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
