If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
