it was like his penis was on wheels.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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