so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
