I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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