and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
