Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
