I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
