sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
