Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
