and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
