I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
