Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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