Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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