yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
