Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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