every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
