FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
