i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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