My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
