Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
