Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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