Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo

(810): View more from Michigan

With himself

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.

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(845): View more from New York

Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.

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(514): View more from Quebec

She just gave me a free latte.

(416): View more from Toronto

Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I will give you all my nachos to make this happen

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(941): View more from Florida

I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�

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(303): View more from Colorado

how did operation slutty penguin go?

(619): View more from California

pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter

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(330): View more from Ohio

I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now

(330): View more from Ohio

Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.

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(765): View more from Indiana

We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.

(801): View more from Utah

Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.

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