Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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