but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
