She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
