If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
