My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He? As in you personified your dick?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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