Define "chronic" masturbator.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
