I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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