Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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