yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
