Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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