you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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