The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
