Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
mondays should just be called national damage control day
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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