Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
