Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
