Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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