I'm going to jail i love you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This is my gift to your gina
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
