im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
