wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
