I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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