His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
