You surviving the open bar?
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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