I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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