i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
