Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
