I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
