I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
