he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
